Generation Gap

Generation gap it’s something that nobody would be able to solve.

A couple had bought a new house and plan to renovate before moving in, and yet, what is the difficult part is, the lady owner is currently preggy and will be due in July.

Chinese traditionally believes while you’re conceiving the couple is advisable not to hack, or even spring cleaning. Cuz, they believe some kind of God is protecting the couple and the baby.

But how would many will understand the experience that other people had paid for it? Don’t think nobody would understand unless you’ve been thru.

Each of everything that leads me to ponder of a gap between a mother and a daughter… it could turn out to be harmony on the surface, and it could turn out to be sour in the future.

A word of advice would be … listen, and learn to believe. Probably what the elderly had been thru is a painful experience thus the advices may be find it difficult to accept. Some how there’s never have any scientific proofs to support.

It’s all based on your fate!

Mood swing

I received two good news today. And both are related to pregnancy.

Early this morning, 1 SMS was received from my ex-colleague whom is also pregnancy around my time; she had a twin baby girl. Both mother and babies are well and healthy. Honestly I don’t know what other word to describe that feeling when I received that piece of message.

Another message is my younger sister-in-law is expecting a daughter, and will be due by end of this year. Isn’t this a good news too??

August would be a mood swing month to me. Am trying damn hard for not thinking about it, cuz, my 1st baby is due sometime Merdeka day. And it maybe a Merdeka baby too.

And thought of having the 2nd one, unfortunately God decided to give me some hard time to face. The 2nd one is an ectopic pregnancy.

I have never know this could happen to me. But what can I do right now? Nothing but to wait for God to give me the strength to live on with my own life.

Especially right now when you know your husband is extremely busy at work, and nothing much you could ask from him. And you wouldn’t want to bother him much too, as he does need 100% of concentration on his projects. I guess none of the wives would want the husbands fail, isn’t it?

So, left me without anything but my ownself?!

I know am a bit sensitive today!! Or perhaps this whole month too.

My Faith

Left one tube now in the body and the remaining tube is slightly crooked; one of the reasons could be due to the scar tissue from previous surgery.

My gynae did explain in details to me, if early ectopic pregnancy discovered, it can be treated with an injection of methotrexate which stops the growth of the embryo. Methothexate is kind of chemo drugs and it meant for those patient. The side effect could lead to liver problems and so on, thus my gynae discourage to use such method but an operation instead.

Now that leaving one crooked tube, I am not sure can I conceive again or not. Even my gynae dare not tell me will I be able to conceive. When we asked him the question, his answer was straight forward, he said he doesn’t know. But the chances of conceiving is definitely low.

If I do not remove the affected tube, but to salvage, the chances of recur at the same spot would be 20%. This means its high chance of getting back the ectopic pregnancy.

At that point in time, I told myself, to have or not to have I shall leave it to God! This is my faith!! Nothing much I could do anymore!!

The Same Friday

Source: MedLine Plus

It is the same Friday as March 21. It’s a different thought, different attitude and a different approach to accept the fact.

Remember I blogged about that I was moody and feeling down. It was actually affected by my hormone, as well as the skin allergies.

What causes hormone change suddenly? Because the urine tested POSITIVE and I took this test in a very ‘slow and steady’ manner that I will seek gynae’s confirmation when the time is right.

Thus, the right time was last Friday, July 25. An appointment was made few days ago and that Friday morning, I was having a good mood to see the gynae and expect to have some good news then after.

There are many times things are not as per plan or as per your wish. When my gynae had a scan on my abdomen, we couldn’t found a foetus’ heart beat and the sac as well. Immediately my gynae and both of our hearts sunken, cuz, from the scan, the womb was completely empty but we found an unidentified free fluid below the womb.

That even makes my gynae more worried. My gynae was kind enough and explained everything to me why could it be like that, one of the reasons it may be an ectopic pregnancy (子宫外孕). The problem that we had is we couldn’t see where is this ectopic pregnancy took place.

My gynae encouraged me to seek for second opinion thus we seek the senior resident gynae in the same hospital for a second check. The result is the same, confirmed no foetus found in the womb, but confirmed pregnant.

With 2 gynae’s advice, this is a life threatening case, and I ought to go for an emergency operation right away. Hubby and I were completely lost and really have no idea what to do next. Thus we called our doctor friend for 3rd advice and true enough our friend advised us to go thru the operation right away, cuz, and the fallopian tube can only sustain the foetus for only 12 weeks, once it burst, the mother will face life threaten, and eventually the mother will die of toxic that burst from the tube.

With no second thought, I signed the agreement for going for the operation, and I have full supports from my beloved husband. My gynae explained to both of us, there will be a risk of doing this operation, he also checked with us which type of operation would I op for, chose from laparoscopy or open operation. I chose the laparoscopy, which is minimum risk.

I was pushed to the Operating Theatre with my husband accompanied, and down there, I see lots of nurses and Medical Officer, Anaesthesia doctor too. The senior resident gynae saw me and came forward to comfort me with his sweet thought. Asked me and my husband not to worry, he said it has to be done as this is very dangerous.

At that point in time, I was having the panic attacked and yet they did not give me any tranquilizer to calm me down before push me to the OT. They tied both of my hands; it was like what we watch in the movies, I was stick with lots of those round stickers to check on my heart beat, my blood pressure and so on. The Anaesthesia doctor gave me some smelly gas to smell and also a jap that put me to sleep. I was reluctant to smell those gases as it was really really smelly. I was hoping they could give me an injection instead of the gas. But the doctor told me why he has to give me both, as I had my breakfast at 8.30am and we never expect this is an emergency case.

I was so scared, and the doctor told me I will have a feeling like a shrunk of my lungs and within seconds, I will fall to sleep. True enough I was like that, by the time I got up I was at the day care monitor room which monitored by the nurses and Medical Officer.

I could feel my stomach bloated up with full of gas, and was completely nausea and giddy. Then I asked one of the nurse, when was I pushed out from the operation, they told me I was in at 1 something and was out by 2 plus. It was an hour plus operation.

When they push me up to my ward at 6pm, my husband was so worried and waited for me at the waiting hall. After the op, I was shivering cold and the nurses gotta give me 2 blankets to cover me up.

At about 8 something at night, my gynae came over to review me, and he said the operation was very successful and it wasn’t to his surprise, it was an ectopic pregnancy and it’s about to abrupt, and the unidentified fluid confirmed is blood, and it was internal bleeding.

He wanted me to take a good rest and not to consume any food for that moment but only plain water. Cuz, I was still under monitoring stage, cuz, he worried I may be vomit if I have something.

I didn’t have anything at all for the night and was sleeping well, cuz, he gave me a jap where it’s a pain relief as well as put me to sleep.

And that’s an end for the day chapter.

Things to know after miscarriage

When I had my 1 month confinement treatment that time, I actually got to know a lot of things that is prohibited.

Things like no bath during the 1st 12 days, no hair wash and so on.

For those that had miscarriage, are even got to know certain rules too. Cantonese believe for the 1st bath that you have labour after the 12th day, you ought to bath with lots of lemon grass and gingers. For Hokkiens believe in bathing certain herbs. Why all these, because the elderly believes these will help to expel the wind in our body after labour. Hokkiens believe after bath should apply lots of hard liquor like Brandy on to our skin, this is to prevent the woman get caught by those ‘winds’.

But, how many of us know for those that miscarriage are not prohibited to have those shower? I honestly never believe in all these, but anything that could prevent, I guess am listening.

Lots of elderly advises should not go thru such shower, cuz, those showers are meant for confinement women that had delivered. For those unfortunate, it’s advisable not to do it, cuz, according to them it’s something that you wouldn’t want to recur again after this sad happenings.

According to the elderly, they said those bath are meant for happy occasion like delivering a baby. They said having those baths again it’s like having another baby. But you have miscarriage, you wouldn’t want to have such bath and have another miscarriage, right? Thus, they said it’s advisable for not taking such bath. A hot shower will be better.

Though, I know there’s no proof that proven this belief is absolutely right. But, I know people that went thru certain ‘tragic’ they will choose to believe in such beliefs. And, I am one of them.

Encouragement

I miss my baby so much right now.
Just now went for out for lunch and I saw this shop full of babies’ dress, and shirts.
Suddenly I have the feeling of missing my baby so much. I dare not touch those dresses and shirts, and I dare not walk in there and take a look. Because I am so scared of remembering what I went thru.

I know Little Inbox knows what am I talking about.

We thanked this blogsphere that brought us here and established this virtual friendship. We went thru the down side of life and we encouraged each other during that time.

Now we encourage each other to stand up and face our life again without looking back.

We ought to face it ourselves and stand up. No other people could help us but ourselves.

Are you ready now, Little Inbox?

Mother's Love

Since 21 March incident, I’ve not been working at night especially after a hectic working day. I’ve not been involving anything particularly stress and pressure.

A way it’s good for me, as I was under tremendous stress before therefore I was not able to conceive. Not because of infertility or something else.

Friends that around me had advised me to try again, and don’t look back. Just look forward and have a healthy baby.

I have been a coffee lover, chilli lover, and even ice lover… because I want a healthy baby and want a healthy pregnancy, I basically quit all these.

Is this what people called it a Mother’s Love?

Finally at ease

This morning received a call from the hospital and it's pertaining to the blood test result that I recently had.

The call came in was a surprised to me. Cuz, I was a bit worried that coming Friday would be the day for me to collect my report.

Am glad that the clinic assistant called me and informed me that the blood test result shows everything normal, which means I do not have lupus decease in my body. Cuz, with that, I will not be able to conceive.

Now I am at ease. Truly at ease.

Am I ready?

Today I realize when I go for shopping, whether is window shopping or running any errands, I actually avoiding the baby’s section where you could see baby cot, baby milk bottle, baby’s food, baby’s attires, etc.

It’s now passed a month plus of 21 March, and I have also had my 1st menstrual too. Should I consider having another one? Or should I continue to mourn over the loss of our beloved one?

Many had advised me to move forward, look forward to have another one…

Am just asking myself; am I too fast for that? Or am finding excuse not to have one?

Conceive After Miscarriage

For those that had miscarriage experience before, I do not know have they ever thought about the next pregnancy of theirs? I know a ‘blogger friend’ of mine did post a question to herself too.

I am thinking about it and I have no idea nor any clues about it right now.

Many gynaecologists advised us, we could try again after 6 weeks. And yet, internet says, it gotta be after a normal menstrual cycle count. Some friends told me that it’s advisable to conceive after 3 months.

My other concern is, will I be the lucky one like others that able to conceive after 3 months or 6 months? Or, am the unlucky one that then after the miscarriage that am not able to conceive anymore?

Will my miscarriage – placenta abruption be recurred? I have yet to receive any post mortem report from the hospital, yet on the other side of me is so afraid to know the caused of this issue.