Generation Gap

Generation gap it’s something that nobody would be able to solve.

A couple had bought a new house and plan to renovate before moving in, and yet, what is the difficult part is, the lady owner is currently preggy and will be due in July.

Chinese traditionally believes while you’re conceiving the couple is advisable not to hack, or even spring cleaning. Cuz, they believe some kind of God is protecting the couple and the baby.

But how would many will understand the experience that other people had paid for it? Don’t think nobody would understand unless you’ve been thru.

Each of everything that leads me to ponder of a gap between a mother and a daughter… it could turn out to be harmony on the surface, and it could turn out to be sour in the future.

A word of advice would be … listen, and learn to believe. Probably what the elderly had been thru is a painful experience thus the advices may be find it difficult to accept. Some how there’s never have any scientific proofs to support.

It’s all based on your fate!

A weekend pain

Just like Estee Lauder says about woman, ‘there’s no ugly woman in the world, but a lazy one.’

I truly agree with this statement, there’s no ugly person in the world, as long as you’re not lazy to upgrade yourself. Let’s not talk about how to beautify yourself but make your home more comfortable by cleaning it, wipe the dust, clear the unwanted stuff.

I know someone who has not able to understand what is call ‘hygiene’. A person who has no education but yet no common sense and always think that she’s absolutely right about the facts and the family.

Unfortunately this woman is somebody that relates to me. To say am shy about or shame about it, honestly I myself also don’t know how to differentiate it. It confuses me. Though she relates to me, am finding time to help her to clear her unwanted stuff, clean her house and helped her to wipe the dust if I see any.

Some how I am not appreciated. Reason is simple, cuz; I don’t carry the same surname as she is. I am nobody to her in her eyes and I am just another woman that her son that marries and help the family to branch out their surname.

Being a working woman, I couldn’t tolerate all these feudalism in the family. But I honestly don’t have a choice. Many times, I told myself, just leave it, after all, that’s not your house, why would you bother… or leave it, that’s not your mother, why do you care so much.

Frankly down deep in my heart, I can’t just not bother cuz, I can’t stand nor can I take it that other children keep poisoning this old lady whom they called her mother.

There are many types of children in the world. And I don’t need to elaborate more about it.

When I clear her wardrobe, I see lots of nice clothes and all of them are new and nice, especially for her age. When I checked with her, she said she doesn’t wear those anymore. Thus, I suggested let’s donate it to old folks home.

She was stunned and shouted at me that NO, all her clothes cannot give anyone. All these clothes are going to give it to her sister. If she doesn’t wear and why took her so long to pass it down to her sister then??

Hubby and I were there to help her to hang up a clothes hanger, so that she can hang her clothes, and make her place nice and tidy. What we have done were not appreciated, furthermore she just said leave it. Nobody will come into our room, but her son told her off, this is very untidy, am helping you to tidy up. The mother just said never mind that’s ok, I feel comfortable with that. Honestly, we both were speechless. Clothes every where lying down on the floor and not tidy. I guess nobody can take it unless you’re nobody’s mother or what, you’re an orphan… but whatever it is, it’s all based on yourself whether you want to make it happen to or not.

But not lying everything down there and do nothing.

Day Care Centre

It’s worst to hear somebody that you can rely on to look after your kids suddenly tell you that she doesn’t want to continue due to personal matter.

I’ve yet to be a mother, but I can understand how would be a mother feels. When a mother hears this piece of news, am sure she’ll be very upset. Cuz, it’s never been easy to find another baby sitter again, and it takes time for the baby sitter to discipline the kids and also to look after too.

Putting the kids in the day care centre is many working mother’s choice right now. It’s always pros and cons. And we know if one fall sick in the centre and that will spread among the children.

Eventually suffer is the kid and the parents that will be nursing them.

And nowadays day care centre is so commercialize, you hardly have a full focus on the a child’s development.

I’ve chatted with a friend whom sending her kids to day care centre, and this is part of life that many parents gotta go thru. Though is hard, but, what other choice can we choose, unless the mother decided to quit the job and be a full time housewife. Frankly with the current economy, how many could survive with 1 income earner? Right?

Karma 因果報應

When things burst out yesterday, everybody was trying to persuade me to forgive and forget.

Why? Cuz, they know I’ll dig as much as I can and many more they don’t even expect I could remember and I could know.

Well, my husband’s brother, so called, my brother-in-law kept saying this is my karma… and this is the cause and effect. I was so mad at that time, cuz, he is not in any good position to tell me karma.

What does karma means, based on Answers.com, it means “The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.”

He himself had done many things that harm his own spouse and even hurt his spouse so much so that does it means this is his wife’s karma, cause and effect?

Honestly, his wife had done a daughter-in-law’s duty so much so, yet she was not appreciated and was blamed to create a ‘mis-understanding’ that causes the domestic violence at home.

Well is this what we call karma?? Nobody has doubt on this word – karma.

What you need to do right now in this life is to carry on all the good things and deed, all the rightful deed. Karma will reincarnate in the next life. This is many Buddhist believes.

One said nobody is perfect in the world, well, that’s fine and that’s true as well. Then why the innocent party is getting all these damages, and blames for nothing of which the innocent party has carried the rightful duty?

I know husband and myself is very disappointed and hurt over the damages that these people had done to us, particularly me. I have been admiring people have a harmony life where in law could get along so well.

Is this what you call Karma??

Mother-in-Law

Mother In Law – with this title there are many to talk about. Good and bad! Ups and downs! Kind and cruel! Thoughtful and selfish! And many more…

I supposed a thoughtful mother-in-law will create the harmony in the family and the family tie as well. If one is not that thoughtful and understanding, perhaps, the family tie is rather weak.

I personally experience this and though I post it out, and I know many will ask you to forgive and forget. But how many could do it, when the damage has already done?

It’s always say easy then done! No doubt about this statement.

When a person creates the ‘mis-understanding’ among each children and each of them will have the doubtful in them, I supposed there’s no closeness among the siblings.

I truly understand the kids will believe what their mother said, cuz, this is their mother. And, of course, they will pin point on other party’s wrong doing. But, did anyone of them realize or even investigate who created the ‘mis-understanding’ when thing crops up?

I bet none of them did that. Thus, the innocent party will keep receiving the blames, and scolding, and everything bad. However, the mother will get all the credits.

One good example, if the children kept saying the parents are old, let them do what they like. Well, I have no question about this. BUT, if one parent is weak and advisable for not moving a lot, should they consider to advise the parents to stay put in one place instead of staying one night here and one night there?

This is what all manufacturers called it ‘preventive’.

This happened during Chinese New Year, when the mother fell down. Things happened in a way that the father wants to have breakfast in up town where else the parents are living in down town. Reason for the father to have breakfast in up town is because the father wants to see how things going in the daughter’s house, as the daughter was moving house at that time.

The mother was blaming father was not looking after her properly thus she fell down, thus, father was blaming mother for going up town for breakfast, thus she fell down. When this happened, the involved parties were pushing the blame here and there, and yet the children do not realize this could be minimized if they could minimize their movements.

Then after, the son gotta rush the mother to the emergency ward, and doctor advised to give her a jap that costs RM5k. Well, money isn’t any matter to us, cuz, this is mother. Mother injured, each of us will have to do our part. However, mind you, this happened few days before Chinese New Year. Everyone knows when comes to such festival, each family will have quite a sumptuous spendings. Well, the sons have no other choice but to give her the jab. And on top of that my husband gave her quite a bit amount of money for new year as well.

My heart sunken when my mother-in-law said the amount was too little for her. And that has created 1 ‘mis-understanding’ between the other siblings and my husband.

Other ‘mis-understanding’ was the recent case where we celebrated Mother’s Day. Her daughter accusing us for not visiting my mother-in-law and blaming us for not taking care of the mother and so on.

Of which, hubby went back and see his mother 2 weeks ago. And yet, his own mother did not defend her son, but allowing the daughter accusing the brother and blaming the brother for no reason.

That was hurt to me and my husband.

Other ‘mis-understanding’ are many years ago, which she always complained to the other children that I do not care for them. I was so hurt, cuz, among the daughters-in-law, I was the one that cooked for her when she was unwell and I was the one that invited her for lunch and dinner or even I cooked and invited them to my house for meal.

What I have today was all the ‘mis-understandings’ that I have, all the ‘damages’ that I have.

Like I say, don’t the children believe the mother and father blindly without studying the truth?

I have been having this ‘damage’ for 7 years. And it burst out yesterday.

What a shocking news!

I am shock when I read this headline from the Star Online.

Shocked over hubby molesting own daughter

What kind of father is this??? How could a father could do such animal thing like that?? Doesn’t he has a father love for her own daughter?
Does he ever know this could actually gave the daughter the trauma or phobia when she grows up?

These people are lucky to have a daughter of their own and yet do not know how to appreciate and love.

For those that do not have any children of their own will feel the pain as what the kids felt.

I can never ever understand what kind of weirdo is this?? Their own child!!! With their flesh and blood!! [sigh]

My apology

I know I've not been writing anything and nothing has actually spur up my mind and mood to write.
I hope my readers could understand and give me some time to ponder what to post about.

Lately heard a lot of external marital affairs. And, with this affairs, actually caused lots of families going thru a lot of unnecessary pressure and stress.

If you come across children that under going STPM, SPM, PMR, etc. Am sure the children will be heavily affected by this matter.

Person that involves in such affair, will he or she ever thought of the consequences that affecting the family, the spouse, the kids, etc? I bet they don't. I wonder how many of these people ever know once trust is damage is hard to build back again.

Piece of advice, think twice before anyone of you STRAY around. Think of your love ones... having this external marital affair will not improve husband and wife relationship, nor family relationship.

I am not either right or wrong, but, I think this worth a 5 cents worth of value.

Life is fragile

I saw an old man crying for his wife whom had just passed away on Monday night. The wife was died of complication of sickness.
And this woman is my late aunty (from my in law side of family).

I was there to pay her a last respect, and of course, I wasn’t that closed to her and I didn’t really feel the pain as much as her immediate family.

But, I could understand when an old couple that had married for many years and all of a sudden a spouse has just left without leaving anything behind, not even a last word, on the other side of the party would not be able to accept it.

And this was happened to my uncle down here.

He’s been keeping silent and crying alone without anyone noticed.

Moving forward, could he able to live alone without his life long companion even he has children surrounding him all the time?

To me, it’s different … even so we know anyone of us will leave one day. But, I guess I can tell, no anyone could accept the fact that their loved one leaving them.

I guess this post is kinda sad and not much of centre point to post about.

Mother-in-Law or Monster-in-Law

Well, first I would like to disclaim the said entry, as this wasn’t apply on me.
Errr… would say more of relating this to the earlier post which I have posted about the in law problems.

Some one had commented that I have talked about the mother- in-law without mentioning about my own mother, perhaps my mother doesn’t stand a seat in my mind nor my heart. Well, I didn’t respond to that particular comment, as I find that it doesn’t really matter, as my mother knows the detail of the entire story.

A person that I know, whom is related to me also recently the son had admitted to the hospital and normally the in laws will inform everyone at home and everyone at home will pay a visit or do something. She wondered why this time, the in law didn’t act on this and only the father-in-law came to visit.

In fact, the woman that I know understands that the mother-in-law is inconvenient to see the grandson in the hospital. What disturb her was, if the grandmother does love the grandson and care for the grandson, would the grandmother give a call to the daughter-in-law and find out how’s the little one doing?

Not that all the daughters-in-law in the world would want to condemn the mothers-in-law. In fact, we know good mothers-in-law out there, which we are not known off, that’s all.

And I know the daughters-in-law in that family is so much so yearning to be loved and respect in their family. Cuz, to my understanding, that family is very conservative, and whoever had got married to the sons, will have a culture shock.

Anyway, if you were the mother of the child, would you be sad and upset that the mother-in-law didn’t even bother to call the daughter-in-law to find out how’s the grandson doing?

The In-Law Problems

Would you be hurt and upset if you got to your know your in law entire family didn't really like you that much, and in front of you, they act normal and behind your back, they are bad mouthing you?

Would you feel upset and hurt? I would! And in fact, I am not happy at all.

Even down deep in my heart I told myself before, I don't marry you, but your son, it's like I don't marry your family but you.... but still, it does affect you a bit here and there eventhough it ain't that much.

I actually got to know this from a 3rd party whom is also a family, of course, she doesn't know much but she said if mom-in-law could gossip about people behind that fellow's back, what would you think about her talking about us - the daughters-in-law??

Right?