Am I a good wife?

Actually sometimes I wonder am I a good wife?

Why I asked myself?? Well, today it’s a special day that my husband that he wants to celebrate with me. But I was too busy and then tired after a long hours work.

I know many will advise you to go ahead and celebrate with your husband, but how many will understand that the lethargic wife is so tired and wanted be home early and rest. Not only rest, she may have to continue to work after her dinner and bath.

Eventhough as a wife you voice out to your husband, the husband may think that you ain’t supportive. Right??

So, it ain’t easy to be an understand wife, a supportive wife at times.

A husband's value

Once I chatted with my sister-in-law thru Skype, and we were talking about how men can be a good husband and what’s their value.

Instead of talking about the men’s value, we were actually comparing the brothers’ value. You see my sister-in-law’s husband is my husband’s brother. And though brought up in the same environment, the same discipline, the same teaching, some how, my brother-in-law unlike his brother that is my husband which is that helpful in terms of house chores.

Right now my sister-in-law is expecting the 2nd child, and her stomach is pretty big, 2 more months to due too. Her husband has never ever helped her to watch their son’s buttock or bath their son. Thus, not to mention about reading bed time story to their son.

So, question here is though I don’t have any children right now, but I can see my hubby can help out in many ways. For instance right now, if am sick, he will help me to clean the house, cook for me, or even help me to iron.

Perhaps, many husbands think that the men work very hard in the outside world, thus, the wife could have done the best not to disturb them and let me have a comfort home when they are return.

But, how many understand there are many chauvinistic men out there who never think the same as the minority one?

Last night I was caught by the topic which was discussed in the 10.30pm Channel 311 (Astro Wah Lai Toi). 3 famous and well known ladies in KL, one of them is Ms Chinese Pagent (runner up only), the other one is a famous DJ, and Ms Angel Wong Chui Ling. One of them was married to a Taiwanese husband, she was saying, the local guys in Malaysia do not really that independent compared to the Taiwanese men. Of course, that’s based on her observation and her thought. She said, her husband will help out in many ways especially right now she’s pregnant. And that probably is not due to family brought up but due to the husband was under trained in reservist for the country before.

She also added that, Taiwanese men especially the older generation are equally chauvinistic too. But some how the younger generation are different.

Well, for the new women, what would you expect from your husband then? Can they be trained to assist you in house chores??

Frustrations on husband

This morning a very close friend of mine called me to let out her frustrations. When she poured out her frustrations, I realized, I truly understand how she felt and what she went thru was something that I’ve seen it from my own eyes before.

She was very worried her husband came home late as he has to host some of the counter part that came from other country. Knowing her husband, he’s very sociable, and also a drinker too. Of course, when comes to such situation, in any wives’ position, will be worrying like hell. Especially right now the society security is not getting better; you will hear some kind of Mat Rempit ramping here and there, even in petrol station conduct robberies.

If any men out there reading this post… please do consider yourself in your wife’s position; or rather put yourself in her shoe.

What if this happens to you, when you got to stay up late just to wait for her to return home after a drinking session with her colleagues/counter part/customers and so on. I believe you would be worrying like what a wife normal does.

Of course, and I know some wives could just go to bed without waiting for the husbands to return home after a heavy drink.

Or perhaps, I am that type of conservative woman like the olden days that wish to wait for hubby to return home after such session. At least, I know he’s safe and he’s home.

My thought

In life there are many things do not come to your way and it’s going against your wish. And all these, people will start blaming themselves or the God whom is not leading them to what they want.

If one do not really have a clear mind and talk things out, it will definitely lead to depression. And, also some people may appear to other people that they are absolutely handling it well yet down deep in them, they were actually mourning to the death or keeping everything silently without anyone knows.

A couple for not compromising each other down falls and it will leads to a problematic relationship one of these days. And there are so many hurdles in life that not able to over come, could also causes these uncompromised arguments between couples.

So, what should the couple do?

I came across a lot of couples are having these problems, not compromising each other’s down falls... honestly, with that, will the other change? And on the 2nd thought will the other change to compromise the other party?

[sigh] Nothing much I could say, apart from telling everyone this is the fated. The marriage, the relationship is pre-arranged by God. It’s us to build it along the way and get it ‘loving’.

External Marital Affair II

I am sad, I am upset, I am down to receive a news of somebody is committing adultery since few years ago.
He’s been seeing this divorced woman for many years and this woman was divorced 2 years ago. Was it because of his involvement or what?
Nobody knows only the involve party.
It hurts the wife so much so that the wife is asking for divorce now.
What about the kids?
The kids are still small…. Yet, why would this thing happen around CNY corner?
The daughter was about to sit for her major exams this year… why can’t man just use his HEAD to think before he made such mistakes?

How would you deal with this matter when your other half admitted the fact that he had committed adultery and he’s in love with the woman that he’s still seeing? Yet, he doesn’t want to divorce?

Can you leave this and live your own life?
If the wife is an ordinary housewife, not even financial independent. Can she go thru such hurdle herself?

Truly understand divorce rate is increasing each year, and many women would ask for divorce if they found their man is cheating on them. But if this happens so sudden to you, can anyone of us handle it in a proper manner or will you jumping ups and downs?

Some will advise you to sit back and laugh at his matter, but I can tell not many can handle this matter “professionally”. Whoever involves in this matter, will start to think what have I done wrong? Do I deserve all these cheatings from my other half?

External Marital Affair

If one of these days, you got to know your husband is unfaithful to you, what would you do?
Would you ask for divorce and fight for the kids’ custody?
Would you confront him and quarrel with him?
Would you stay silent and wait till he return home?
Would you do something to make yourself more attractive and make him got attracted to you?
Would you think over what has triggered this marriage that causes him having an external marital affair?

I believe many women out there will think it over and over again, what have I done wrong that my man is straying outside of this home, right?

And, many would think I've sacrificed a lot for the man, for the family, and why is he betraying me?

We have shared so much laughter, so much happiness and tears together, not even that able to gain you back from the outside attractive world?

Or is it because other women outside will give you the pride and ego that every men needed?

I bet many of us come across many famous figures in town do have 2 wives, some of them could actually stay together for many years.
Was this fated? Or barely the man controls it all?

Some women are really lucky, the man that they married a faithful and truthful. Some are unlucky….

But, I believe a marriage built by both husband and wife, in any circumstances; husband and wife should fight against all odds to salvage it instead of letting it die quietly.

Well, this is another 5 cents worth of thoughts of mine.

夫妻之道

倘若兩夫妻完全沒有溝通的話, 感情就會轉淡, 結果自然而然就會離婚收場。如果雇主與職員沒有溝通的話, 亦同樣會有許多問題出現, 比如雇主與職員關係不和。所以人與人之間必須有些溝通和信任。

為什麼世上無數的男人會有情婦或有許多女朋友, 還是男人比較多情？自古以來, 女人多少比男人苦命了一點。所以也同樣造成這世界上女人要為自己的前途而奮鬥。也因此許多女性被例為強人, 例如緬甸的翁山蘇姬, 香港的陳方安生, 巴基斯坦的貝娜齊爾布托, 還有其他。

如果, 雙方可以維持信任, 互讓了解, 互相鼓舞, 互相支持, 相信每一對情侶或夫妻都可以白頭皆老。其實婚姻是神聖的, 真正志同道合的夫妻在世界上都會白頭皆老; 而且, 這是一種幸福。

永恒不朽的愛情, 穩定的關係, 這些都是每一對夫妻的必定須要的規則。試問若每對情侶或夫妻可以有牢固的感情基础, 有强烈的家庭責任心。相信分居和離婚率都會減少。

一辈子有一个伴是一件幸福的事情, 就如古人所說的 “死生契闊, 與子相悦; 執子之手, 與子皆老”。

如今太多情侶為了一刹那的歡樂或刺激而忽略了真正婚姻觀念。這也造成許多年輕這一代的離婚率逐漸提高。為什麼我說溝通是重要呢？如果夫妻或情侶之間沒有溝通的話, 也沒有互相支持以及互信任對方, 那麼結婚來幹嗎？

夫妻之間不但要互相信任對方也要互相尊重對方。這才是真正愛和婚姻的真締。

Do you think about this?

At times am thinking how much time have I spent with my husband?

For example, you have almost spent 8 to 9 hours in the office, and these hours were spent with your colleagues, bosses, peers, and so on. Then after, you need 6 to 8 hours sleep, then you balance 8 hours... how do you spend that 8 hours with your husband?

Even right now, am looking at my PC, and he's enjoying his beauty sleeps...

And I am not that type of person that can sleep easily, at times, I gotta count sheeps... [sigh]

How nice if I can be like other people that can fall into sleep easily.

Oh ya, let's talk about this time spending... with this minimum time spend, at times at home you may still have to work also... nowadays many companies given the employees a notebook, reason is because they are reachable, contactable even they are off duty. And if there's any urgent work to do, we may have to work from home till wee hours... So, that has minus off the remaining 8 hours.

Guess, bottom line, I think couple or husband and wife should find time to spend, ... don't just work and work and work ... right?

What makes a good husband/father?

Yesterday was Father's Day, now that it became so commercialize that these days are like part of commercial business. Don't you think so?

Let's talk about this, what makes a good husband and/or father? What are the basic requirement to be a good husband or a good father?

Do you need to be filthy rich?
Do you need to be high profile?

Does a man need to be MCP (Man Chauvinistic Pig) in order to be a man, or a 'basic' husband?
Anyway, after yesterday funeral which I had attended, I think I would conclude this on my personal view.

If a husband has so much health complications, perhaps a strict diet is needed. Cuz, that's to me that he's a responsible man and non-selfish. Don't you think so? If he doesn't control his diet and kept eating something that will harm his health that may lead to death, don't you find this behavior is selfish? Cuz, he's not even considering living those behind may giving them lots of problems to face in life?

Beside the point, some men even think that by doing so, he could end his life without suffering, unfortunately, there are many things in life are not that easy to fulfill. Let's say, regardless of any religions, ... whether you're Muslims, Buddhist or Christians, with this concluded your life, your other half will have emotional breakdown. If your family is ain't wealthy, the other wife will have to consider the finances for the family. Even if you're filthy rich, your other wife is also worried to live the life alone cuz, she has no one to depend on.

So, this attitude to me is selfish! Agree?

Responsible man - if he's a responsible husband he would have taking notes of what can be eaten and what cannot be. Instead of giving an excuse that with all these complications, if I don't eat now, I may not be able to eat when I can't eat. Why don't the man think of by restricting this diet may gain him a few years of life, and hey, that's bonus, right?

Anyway, it's always a bonus if your husband could help you to do some house works, like iron clothes, mopping floor, wash dishes, etc. But some men could tell you that they will not do such things as they are men! Some even leave the glass on the table without taking it to the basin and wash. And mind you there are many of such men in the world!!

Anyway, all the above are my personal point of view, it may not related to anything, ... it was just something that crob up in my mind which I think I would like to talk it out.

How would you react when you hear someone announce that they are getting married

How would you react when someone announce that they are getting married?

If it is your close friend, you will definitely congratulate them and give them all the best wishes and blessings.
If it is your acquaintance, you will still congratulate them but with half hearted.

It's always a different between that... and it's very much depend on what position are you in, right?

A friend of mine told me that she's planning to get married this year end. I was happy for her and I was wondering also, first few years of marriage, you'll be having good time, the honeymoon period things like that... what about after married for few years??

Will you all quarrel over money, over in laws, over no time to spend together, etc?

When I first got married, I was kind of enjoying the honeymoon period, unfortunately the honeymoon period wasn't last long and more over due to working stress and that had lead into many arguments and quarrels.

If a couple regardless of married or not married, are not compromising or giving into another party, perhaps that will end up tragedy.

Don't you think so?

Anyway, back to my friend's wedding announcement. She was so happy and sweet over the proposal from her hubby to be, and kept the wedding ring picture in her MSN Messanger. And then, I was asking myself, ... have I ever put my hubby's picture in my wallet? Hmmm... not a single time....

Maybe... I said maybe, ... different age, different generation and different exposure.

If decent young lady first boyfriend that became the husband, honestly to me that has not been exposed enough to the outside world. Not that I encourage everyone to flirt around, but, still that is considering gaining experience, isn't it right?

hahahaha... having said that, every couple should learn how to understand each other needs, stand by each other, compromise as well.... that will definitely build a healthy marriage.

Is your marriage healthy?

I am dedicating this post to my best friend whom is now based in KL, and works in KL too.

Buddy, I know you know am referring to you! Stand up on your own and you know what to fight for.

How do you define your marriage healthy or not?
How do you define your marriage loving or not?
Is your marriage being interfere by the in-laws and you became the “out-law”?
Is your marriage being broken up by any 3rd party?
Are you neglecting your spouse at home?
Are you being neglected due to the influences from the in-law?
Is your marriage based on monetary weightage?

All the above questions pop-up after I had a word with my best friend, whom I’ve not been seeing for many years. But, we know we have each other’s thought from the bottom of our heart.

First, I got to know they were looking for me high and low, with another friend whom was our lecturer. And, because of the last minute schedules, I can’t fly down to KL to meet them for lunch.

Thus, I gave her a call. And, a call could lead to something like a marriage is at stake. One of the reason was due to the influences from the in-law and the husband is not fighting back to protect the wife, nor the children.

Am surprised to hear that and this has been going long for 6 years… I wonder how can a woman suffer silently like that without fighting back?

I always believe a woman should fight back for her own right, no matter what it takes.

Buddy, like I told you, you have done the right thing that you’re pursuing your dream and continue with strength. All of us will be here to support you. With that dream fulfilled, you will have all your ‘power’ to fight for what you supposed to have!!

And I always believe in you could do so.

An in-law like that, honestly, doesn’t earn a single penny of respect!!!
Where in the world could simply blamed for a visit to their daughter-in-law’s family that led to a robbery at home?
Doesn’t that sound funny??
I believe there are many ‘pantang-larang’ in Malaysia and even in certain generation. But, an in-law like them, well educated and well brought up and wealthy could accused the daughter-in-law for that matter, honestly, these in-law doesn’t earn a single respect from anyone!

Let’s talk about the husband? Doesn’t the husband stand up and tell the mother that, “Mom, my wife did nothing wrong and she ain’t that kind of person.”

Why the husband is not standing up and protect the wife??
What has the husband done so far??
Hiding behind the mommy’s back??
That sounded like ‘no balls’, isn’t it?

Sorry to be rude. But a woman could eat up all these silently all these years, the husband earn no respect from others as well.

Well, buddy… stay firm, stay strong, be happy, have faith in yourself. You can do and you could do better than this!!!

Luv ya.

Do you all fight with your spouce?

It was meant to be another boring, quiet, peaceful Saturday. But, my husband and I ended up with a minor arguement over a holiday which we have planned.
Then now am thinking, how many couple in the world always fight, argue, quarrel?

All these years, since courting till we got married, we hardly fight. Ya, no doubt about it that we always argue over some minor matters, but come to think of it, we hardly hardly fight.

Fight in a sense that anything we can shout over it. And follow by a cold war things like that....

Has anyone out there come across couple fight and waiting for another one to say sorry??