The 4th Week Grief

I’ve been working for a week already, seeing lots of colleagues and friends, and also seeing lots of pregnant women in the office too.

I was even giving a pregnant woman a helping hand when she didn’t realize it was drizzling on Friday on her way out to the car park. She told me she’s now 37 weeks of pregnancy, and taking half day off to visit her gynaecologist. I was telling myself, another more week to go she could deliver her baby if she ops for C-section.

My Finance Analyst had gone for her maternity leave, another colleague is 8 weeks expecting, some had actually entering their 2nd trimester period.

No one would believe it if I say am ok, am fine. Like what Little Inbox said, when you’re alone, you will think of the baby, you will think of the incident that happened that day, and you will even admire those that are pregnant now.

And, this is what am facing right now.

I know my eyes are looking at the TV at night and at the same time my mind is floating else where. When I see pregnant woman walk pass, I feel awkward and the feeling is like where is my tummy now.

Friday dawn was the time when my husband rushed me to the hospital. Whenever we drove pass the route, and specifically on Friday morning, I just can’t stop myself of thinking about it.

I even have friends asked me don’t write any more sad post in your blog, write something positive, tell you readers how looking forward yourself that you wanted to conceive the 2nd time. She even said that I should be counting the days when to conceive instead of counting the days when I lost my baby.

At one minute, I’ll ask myself am I a born loser? How come I don’t know how to save my baby?? On the other minute, I’ll ask again is this what God wants to take him back with him?

This is what am going thru right now…