A sudden upset

Today extremely down and emotional also not that stable.
Feeling bad, upset, down anything you name it, I had it all today. In fact, I was quietly cried at my work place today.

I have all these mixed feelings when I see my colleague whom is also pregnant together with me. I was ahead of her by a week in terms of due date, now that I have nothing. Furthermore, I got to know my SIL is also pregnant this morning.

I was like why me?? I don’t know how to feel happy for people… I am feeling so down, so down…

I have not been seeing my other colleague whom I always swing by to her place when I need to let out some working stress… I have not been seeing her for many days already. Why? Perhaps I am not comfortable to talk to people and meeting people. I am still comfortably staying in within my own space, I guess?!

This afternoon a colleague, a friend from other department dropped by and told me that he feels sorry to hear about my case. He realize I was not around for many weeks and noted that when I came back to work, I was extremely quiet and also noted my tummy is missing, he guesses what had happened.

We both chatted for awhile, then suddenly the emotions suddenly went down and I started to have teary eyes. Honestly felt so embarrassed. Then, he said in life there are many people have their own pain… some even have to bear with a child whom is deaf, blind, or even autistic.

Now that I can only tell myself, God is saving the best for me. God knows what best for me. God will be giving me a brighter child, a happy child, a talented child and a brilliant child….

Hopefully with that thoughts, I hope I could be more stronger and tougher.